THE WHITE DEVIL
by John Webster
(Very over the top, very full of his own importance. Think of yourself wearing an extremely well fitting suit with a pink tie)
Domine judex, converte oculos in hanc pestem, mulierum corruptissiman. Who am I? I am a lawyer that pleads against you, Madame Vittoria. I speak the Court’s Latin, which you understand. You say you will not have your accusation clouded In a strange tongue? How dare you? What? I must change my language for this…this. Oh, very well. Well then, have at you. (He proceeds to speak to the jury) Most literated judges, please your lordships. So to connive your judgments to the view of this debauch’d and diversivolent woman; Who such a black concatenation Of mischief hath effected, that to extirp The memory of ‘t, must be the consummation Of her, and her projections—- (to Vittoria) Do not interrupt! Hold your peace! Exorbitant sins must have exulceration. What means you that I have swallow’d Some ‘pothecaries’ bills, or proclamations; And now the hard and undigestible words Come up, like stones we use give hawks for physic. My lords, the woman Knows not her tropes, nor figures, nor is perfect In the academic derivation Of grammatical elocution. My deep eloquence is worthily applauded amongst those who understand me. Fine! I shall put up my papers in my fustian bag—along with my learn’d verbosity. I most graduatically thank your lordship: I shall have use for them elsewhere.