By Jules Feiffer
Act 1 , Scene 1
Elliot is man who is struggling to find the woman he wants to be with. He describes his present situation with the woman he is with.
I’ll never do better. She’s good for me. And sweet and vulnerable. A little older than I like them, but she has an innocent, unspoiled quality, even though she’s divorced twice and has two kids. She’s thirty-five. What I find so important is that she needs me, you know? And she takes my advice! On her children. Even though I myself have never had children. I take nothing for granted! I think all the time, “What does she want ? What would she like? Will this please her?” Buying candy or little thoughtful knickknacks to show how imaginative I can be, that I’m not as simple as she thinks. I spend hours of the day with half my mind on what it is she needs from me, trying to understand the side of her she’s not exposing and what I can do to make that side trust me. How can I win acceptance from that part that no man has ever reached before. I can spend days in the office, on the phone, in the conference with clients, consultations, settling problems, and fifty percent of that time I’m off inside myself trying to figure out ways to make her let me in, let me inside to see something I her no one has seen before. For me, that’s a proof of worth, my claim on immortality. Because, look, I know I’m not unique in bed; mostly I try to please and that’s still a mystery to me. Even if I Make it work for the both of us, does it make me feel better?? If a woman tells me how great I am I think she’s exaggerating. But im grateful. And if she tells me I’m not doing enough to please her, I want to wring her neck…….even though I assume its true. Because shouldn’t I get some credit for all the effort I put in??